Thinking of fantasy in this way alleviates some of the guilt or confusion around motive and desire that can accompany fantasies that we feel are bizarre, improper, or ‘problematic’. But this simplistic, causal explanation ignores other important functions of fantasy, such as providing a place to experiment with ideas we might like to pursue IRL or a safe realm for play in which we have complete control. So what is sexual fantasy? We often jump to the conclusion that fantasies illustrate something we’d like to do in ‘real-life’, that fantasy is aspirational. Whatever the reason, I am interested in addressing the hesitant imaginer because I think a rich and (more importantly) shameless fantasy world can be one of the more enriching elements of a person’s sex life. Perhaps I assumed that the bulk of the audience would identify as straight, or was simply responding to the fact that our world remains largely hostile to queer attraction. When I was asked to write an article about same-gender fantasies, I immediately took it for granted that I would be writing about how to accept fantasies one is uncomfortable with.
